Gambling Quotes

Philosophy

    "Remember this: The house doesn't beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself." -- Nicholas (Nick the Greek) Dandalos

    "A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time." -- Author Unknown

    "Luck never gives; it only lends." -- Swedish Proverb

    "There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." -- Jack Yelton

    "Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something." -- Wilson Mizner

    "The best throw of the dice is to throw them away." -- English Proverb

    "Gambling is the son of avarice and the father of despair." -- French Proverb

    "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

    "In a good economy people gamble WITH extra money. In a bad economy people gamble FOR extra money." - Bunts Singh Man Crush on Messi, commenter on businessinsider.com article [paraphrased]

    "I realized when I stopped gambling that I'm not that big of a sports fan." -- Artie Lange on Jimmy Fallon.

    "I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting." -- Artie Lange on Jimmy Fallon

    "Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money." -- Norm Macdonald (re-told my Artie Lange)

    "I make it possible for some fat guy in Cleveland to play Omaha High-Low in his underwear in his living room. Shoot me." -- Ben Affleck's character in the movie, Runner Runner.

    "Gambling is not about wasting money, it is about wasting time." -- Norm Macdonald, on the psychology of addiction

Humor

    "When I played pool I was like a good psychiatrist. I cured 'em of all their daydreams and delusions." -- Minnesota Fats

    "Never bet on baseball." -- Pete Rose

    "This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.” -- Norm MacDonald, after watching the Miami Heat win by 1 point when he bet the spread at 2.

    "At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kids playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota" -- Artie Lange, when talking about how many different things you can bet on.

    "I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 'oclock, by tommorow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba. -- Artie Lange

    "I hope I break even, I can really use the money." -- averagefool, internet commenter, about the lack of logic of the average gambler

Personal

    People say, "OK, How do you know you're a degenerate gambler"? Well, here's how you know. If you're at the Mirage sportsbook in Las Vegas at 4 AM, and you got a scotch in one hand, and your jaw is moving really crazy because of bad coke you did or something. And you are walking up to total strangers and going 'You seen the high school lacrosse scrores? I bet on Don Bosco prep.'" -- Artie Lange

    "I bet on games and stuff. I like to watch it. I like it to stretch out. I don't want to put everything on black and then leave a fucking loser." -- Dom Irrera, about being able to have your sports betting sessions last for hours, instead of a 2-minute roulette session.

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The worst team to put money on is your favorite. -- Shawn Etemadi

thegrinder on September 1, 2008